Come back to me one last time [ff]
Come I could not write about what has become one of my favorite TV shows?! = D
Title: Come back to me one last time
Fandom: Telefilm / Doctor Who
Author: mrs_toro_or
Raiting: green
Pairing: The Doctor / Rose Tyler
Warnings: just the end of the second series (episode 2x13). I wanted to try to enter the mind of the Doctor, trying to understand what he was feeling, nothing more.
Disclaimer: The characters do not belong to me, what I write is not for profit and none of the facts I intend to propose is true. Everything is absolutely false!
Note: Any kind of comment or criticism (as long as constructive) are always welcome. Thanks in advance to all.
premise of this writing, acting before it reached the end of the fourth series, so there are spoilers in that sense ... I hope you like it, really = D
When I saw you the first time you were just a kid.
A curious little girl, frightened, tired of his boring life and looking for something, something that even you might want to know.
I have given you. I given that you were missing something, that something that you would somehow completed, which would allow you to live your life to the fullest.
I gave you an old police car, I gave you a time machine, I've given thousands of different worlds to explore. I gave you my heart, every day. I gave my two hearts, knowing that one day would have been torn away.
I was tired of traveling alone, and when I asked you to come with me was because I needed it, because I needed someone to share the entire universe. And you wanted, you wanted to hear the sound of all those different places, you wanted to see those strange faces. Were you afraid of those places and those ... people, beings, aliens. I was scared, but were drawn, inevitably. Because you are human, because this is right.
We have been in many places, in so many universes and many worlds, we have seen it all, we laughed together, we were afraid, we almost died. I almost lost, I have put in danger, it is my fault that you almost lost your life, your precious human life, all your feelings, your thoughts, your behavior, everything.
Ours has been a long journey, and every time in each place, it was hard for you. It was hard to find yourself in worlds unknown, walking roads are always different. But we were doing. Hold my hand and you were ready, every single time. I smiled, and you were ready to this new adventure.
And every day ... every day, every minute, every second spent with you did nothing but scare me and rejoice at the same time. I was with you, I was happy, but I was afraid, because I could lose so easily ...
I thought I'd lost you once. I had to sacrifice your life to save the world, but I was lucky and you come back to me, unharmed.
I sent home by deception, when the world was ending. I sent home because I could not bear the thought of losing you, make you morire. Meglio viva a casa, che morta con me.
Ma tu sei tornata. Hai trovato il modo e sei tornata da me, hai rischiato la vita per salvare l'umanità, per salvare me. Hai dato tutto e non ti è importato, hai dato tutto e stavi per morire, ma non ti importava.
Hai guardato dentro il Tardis pur di salvarmi, hai salvato il mondo e mi stavi lasciando. Quella è stata la prima volta in cui ti ho baciata. L'unica.
Sono morto, per te. Sono morto e mi sono rigenerato, lo stesso Dottore di sempre, solo con sembianze diverse.
Era strano per te vedermi così, in un altro corpo. Ma ero sempre io, Rose, sempre io. E ciò che provavo per te era sempre più strong.
We started to travel, you're used to this new me, in fact, this new body.
We have done many things together, so many that do not account even more, but each one was fantastic, even adventure, this trip where we met Satan.
was afraid, but smiled and you were confident, because you were with me. In that case, however, I could not save you, or at least I thought so. In your heart you know that we could make, who would survive, and with that I linked to your intuition you understand what to do, you've saved.
'm with you, Rose.
Come to me. Come on, a final time.
I want to see you, my little big friend. I want to talk, I want to tell you how special you are. I want to tell you that I miss you so much, that without you there is no longer the same.
I want to say I'm sorry, and that if I had known I would not have brought with me that day. If I had known I would have taken the Tardis and reversed course, we'd go somewhere else.
No, you're right, I would not have done why there was no need for me. Us.
're stubborn, you have always been stubborn as a mule.
You always have listened to your instincts, your emotions, you've saved. You're better than me, Rose Tyler. You never doubted me, but do not hesitate to disagree with you to follow your ideas, and you made the right choice.
You've always been with me since that first trip together. You were always with me, you never left alone, even when he was the best thing for you.
You were by my side even when wrong, even when I was wrong. We spent so much time together, time, and now there is just emptiness. An immense void, as if I had nothing inside, as if this was nothing but silence around me.
I only had your smile, your word to feel good, to find the strength to face everything even when I thought of not succeeding. Your presence alone was enough for me to get up whenever I fell, I just take you, nothing else was important.
often thought it would be best to bring you home, let you live your life, but I lacked the courage. I was too weak, I could not find the strength to separate myself from you. I had the strength to let go, and do not regret it. I do not regret any moment spent with you, no doubt, no weakness, no uncertainty, no fear.
Everything we did together ... everything is important, every single moment.
I knew how I felt for you, but I was never able to tell you, ever. Still, I had many opportunities to do so ... I've wasted all. And now I'm alone again, no matter whose fault it was.
Again, I sent away with the deception. I did not want to stay with me, because I might miss. I preferred to know you are safe in another world, I have elected not to you and let you live, rather than having you next.
And again, you're back.
I told you to support you, I was doing. Then ... the lever. It was moved, you were close. So close that you have given to the location where it should be. You hang on to that lever, you held strong, but it was not enough.
My heart was beating crazy, shouting words of my mouth without me even realizing it.
was leaving the socket.
His face twisted by fear, you were crying. I was leaving. E I could not do anything to save you, not this time.
Only a few seconds, I thought. You have to do it, it will soon be over. Stay with me, do not leave me.
But it was too late. Your fingers, your small and sweet fingers slipped, and in a moment I saw you disappear, you were about to be sucked into the void.
Your father appeared, from a universe parallel teleported one last time just to save.
vanished together. The gap closed.
Come to me, Rose. I want to say goodbye, I have to.
so I can not let you go, I see you one last time. Please, Rose ... come.
At that moment I knew it was over, it was all over.
The gap had closed, there was no gap between the two worlds. I would not see her again.
It was as if the hearts had stopped suddenly, and a chill enveloped me. You were not with me anymore, we would not travel together. We would not have ever gone to some alien planet, we would not have seen the past or journey into the future.
I felt drained. Devoid of any emotion, any strength. In that world you were dead, and I with you.
I knew how I felt for you, I knew well, and I always put the time to tell you clearly, because if you even tried to show with small gestures ... you knew it, but I had never heard those words that are so afraid to humans.
I wanted to tell you, Rose, I really wanted, but I thought I had time to do it. Every day I kept saying " tomorrow, tomorrow I'll tell ", and sent every day. I was also afraid because I was scared of the little words that would make it real, real.
In a sense, I knew it would end. I knew I had to let go, but part of me hoped not to have to do that ever. I hope I can keep with me forever ...
I was hoping it was all just a nightmare, I was hoping I could wake up and find you there, as always, that with your enthusiastic smile. I was hoping it was just a mistake, I wanted so desperately!
I need you, baby Rose. I need you close to me, I need your strength and your enthusiasm. I need your hand in mine, to look into your eyes and think that yes, I can do it. I can do everything, if you're with me.
I'm back in the Tardis, but I was dead inside. Canceled, destroyed, devastated. What am I without you? What?
Like an automaton I prepared to leave, I went on. I spent many days in a trance, thinking it could not have really happened. Could not you leave me, not you. You who had always found a way to get back to me, even when I wanted to stop it.
Come, Rose. I'm here, I'm waiting.
And then I thought about it.
That little residual energy would take me from you, for the last time. I had to say goodbye, I had to. I could not leave it without even telling you everything.
I called you. I called you a long, day after day, so I could hear screaming. And you're coming.
I love you, Doctor.
you tell me, for the first and last time. You tell me, and my heart pounded. Joy, sorrow.
I would not have seen her, that was the last time.
Be ', I suppose that ... Rose Tyler-
As usual, I stalled. I could not, I wasted precious moments, out of fear.
And when I was about to tell you ... it was too late. You were gone, gone forever. You know me, Rose, you know how I did. You know what I feel, I've always known that I need not say a word.
Simply touch the hands, was enough to hold you, it was enough to make you understand that you looked. I've always known, you always knew what I felt and feel for you. And just when I wanted to tell you, I have failed.
I love you, Rose Tyler.
I love you, love you from the depths of my heart, I love you and that's it, I love you and I will have to live without you.
Live, Rose. Do it, at least you. You can go ahead, you can rifarti life, the pain will diminish, sooner or later. Live, do it for me. Remember me, but go ahead, you have to do it.
If only I could ... if only I could find a way to bring you back to me. If I could, I would, even if it means risking everything, I would. Why I miss you damn much, and I do not know if I can make it. Will never be the same without you. It will never be the same again, ever.
I will go, I will continue to run and save the world, but I will be empty if you will not be with me.
I'm sorry, Rose. I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry because I know that you are suffering, because I know you will continue to suffer, and why is all my fault. If I had never involved, would not have happened. But I can not regret anything, because it would be like denying all the time we spent together.
I would come back to you, I would like to start the Tardis and pick you up. But I can not.
Be happy, my little Rose. Be happy, as you can. And know I'll always be with you, even from afar, that I will never leave. You've taken away a piece of me and I one of you, we belong, we will together forever.
Goodbye, Rose.
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